think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
