That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
