One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
we're making bets on your personal life
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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