am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
