but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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