Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
