i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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