a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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