I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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