He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
