I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
