I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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