Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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