when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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