All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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