Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
