Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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