if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
