the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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