yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
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