Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
