if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
