Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think my nap took me to another dimension
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
