The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
