It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
