My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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