I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
His hands were made for my vagina.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
