I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
