sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
