I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
