Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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