What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
