Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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