Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
