In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Say something about gay babies.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
