Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
