my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he shaved USA in his pubs
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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