You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
