Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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