I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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