i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
