the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
