I'm pants shitting drunk right now
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
