I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
