Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
