There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
