Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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