are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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