ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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