i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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