but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
