i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
