Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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