he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
